Empowered by Nudity?

Its been a month since my last post, its been crazy busy around here. We’ve been bogged down by sickness for the better part of February and seem to finally be on the upswing…

I know I am a few days late to jump on this whole Kim Kardashian band wagon and truthfully, I wasn’t going to even write anything, but I can’t stop thinking about it. You see, we have cable, but we don’t watch much television (other than Disney Junior!), my kids aren’t on social media and we have the luxury of avoiding those school bus conversations since we homeschool….

We SHOULD have avoided hearing about Kim Kardashian and her nude selfie on Instagram, but we didn’t…

Because every major news outlet mentioned it, radio hosts talked about it and eventually I had to find an article to see what this whole thing was about….

Once I realized, I was appalled. Truly. Not so much at the photograph, because let’s face it, there isn’t much these reality stars could do that would shock me anymore, but it was what she wrote underneath it….

I’m not quoting her exact words here, but to sum up her post she stated that posting a naked image of herself on the internet was empowering…

Empowering.

Maybe for her it is. Perhaps in her chosen life path and career posting that picture felt empowering. In her circle, in her life she has people telling her that the outward appearance of her body applies directly to her self worth and her CHOOSING to share it with the world empowers her…

and the mother in me feels sad for her. I wish that someone would pull her aside and tell her that there is so much more to her than how she looks naked, how much money she has or who she is married to…

but the mama bear in me is ANGRY. In our culture today, there are droves of girls who look up to her. While I would like to question their choice in a role model, the reality is they look to these reality stars, who are seemingly famous for nothing, and they mimic them in the hopes of becoming famous themselves, or at the very least increasing their own self worth.

So, what happens when a 14 year old girl’s favorite reality star posts a naked picture of herself on Instagram, calls it empowering and seemingly supports the damaging “send nudes” movement amongst teens?

Her sudden stand against sending nude images of herself to the boy asking for them loses some weight. Her confidence in her decision to not follow suit with her peers begins to waver. She begins to define her self worth more and more by what those who view her body think about her…

She wants to avoid the teasing and tormenting that comes with standing on the opposite side of the crowd, but every time she takes her stand, she believes herself less and less. If the media is calling it empowering, then it must truly not be THAT BAD.

So she sends the picture.

Regret, shame, guilt, fear – nothing can take that picture back once its in the hands of someone else. The receiver has the ability to do whatever they please with it. If she is lucky, the receiver only shows it to a few friends, but refuses to send the actual image on to anyone else…

and if she isn’t, the receiver forwards the image to anyone he/she pleases, posts it on the internet, adds it to one of the many “slut pages” that are popping up in school districts across the country, or uses the right to do any of these things as a form of exploitation.

Being a kid themselves, most of the receivers of these images don’t even understand the negative ramifications of their actions.

See – Kim Kardashian already has a career, a life, enough money in the bank to live off of forever and is an adult who can choose to do something that may warrant negative reactions…

These young girls following suit don’t have any of those things. What they do have once they send one of these “empowering images” is a higher risk of anxiety and depression, a very scary chance of their image getting into the hands of an adult who has the potential to harm them, and a lifetime of their image potentially popping up on the internet. They have the very real situation of having a harder time academically because of the peer issues they face at school, and are much more likely to have LOWER self esteem and LOWER self worth, valuing themselves less and opening the door for more choices that could prove to have negative consequences…

These girls are not old enough to make a choice like this.

But they are….

and every time they hear about it in the media and hear it being referred to as a positive thing, they are at risk for making a choice that could affect them forever.

I wish this wasn’t an issue for our adolescents, but it is. This generation coming up into adulthood soon has more opportunity to make mistakes that could haunt them for a lifetime than we ever did. Their naivety and the very real danger of exploitation, child pornography and sex trafficking is a major threat to them.

So – here is my plea. Stop sharing, liking or commenting on these media articles that promote or talk about the nude images of these reality stars. Every time you add your opinion to them – even if its negative – you allow more and more people to see it.

And talk to the tween/teen girls in your life. Be a true example of an empowering woman. Be open about what self worth is truly made up of, and let them know that you stand behind them when they stand against the peer pressure…

And if you only do one thing, don’t look the other way and pretend that this isn’t happening.

It is. And the cost to these girls is too high for us to ignore it….

Why itWorks?

Transitioning from a stay at home mom to a work at home mom isn’t really a stretch for me. I have been writing, editing, doing photography and speaking at mom groups as often as I can in an effort to both increase our discretionary income and help other women. I believe in the importance of finding your purpose, your place – and for me my place is here at home with my girls, but my purpose is two-fold – to take care of them, my husband and my home as my first mission field, but it is also to help other women learn the importance of taking care of themselves….

We can get so lost as mamas. We can forget who we are. We can define ourselves too often by the season our family is in, and forget that we were created for a purpose, and one that is not defined by the changing seasons of life, but defined by the creator who made us.

So, after finding our dream home, settling in, getting our footing with homeschooling and feeling like we were really comfortable with the place we are at, my husband and I decided that we could afford the time as a family to invest in our financial future.

itWorks fits my why in life. It falls so easily in line with my purpose. Affordable, plant based, wellness products that make self care for mamas (and everyone else!) easy to do AT HOME are products that we can get behind and believe in. A business that isn’t so consumed about money, but instead is more concerned about the well being of its distributors and the relationships they create with their customers is a business that won’t ask us to go outside our personality, but instead allows us to thrive as the extroverted, relationship driven people that we are. In as little as 30 minutes a day, I can work towards helping people achieve wellness goals or financial goals they have set for themselves! Time is precious to me, my girls are only this age for a short time. itWorks works for us because it doesn’t take anything away from them, it only requires me to reprioritize my free moments into something that will benefit our family far more than me aimlessly scrolling social media, or watching TV.

I could never devote any time to something I couldn’t use myself, couldn’t afford myself or would never encourage my girls to use as the got older. These products fit all of these categories and more! As you will see, as we introduce new products to our family, I will be reviewing them candidly. I will continue my open, honest, and vulnerable approach to everything in this business.

I hope that you will join us on this adventure, whether as a spectator, a customer or a member of our team!!

Please, if you have any questions about our #itWorksadventure, please contact me directly via email (asfourbecomesfive@gmail.com). If needed, we can set up a time to talk and go over products, walk you through the site, or even just set goals!

Here’s to a better, freer future for myself and my family.

A Typical Day..

Never actually looks the same around here.  I think that has been the hardest part about homeschooling, finding out the routine that works best for us!

When I was lesson planning over the summer, I had all of these amazing ideas of how our week would love, filled with lots of reading, laughing, projects, exploring and of course – school work.

At the end of our first week, I cried. I realized I had no idea what it would really be like, and that my expectations were way too high. I overwhelmed myself with books on different methods of teaching, and for a month I was convinced I was doing everything wrong.

See, there a a million different types of homeschooling families and a ton of different ideas on HOW to teach kids…

Some of the main methods of homeschooling are:

“Unschooling” – also referred to as “child directed learning.” The least structured method of schooling, parents that choose this method allow their children to follow their interests in choosing topics, then they attempt to organically fit in the different subjects taught through the lens of that topic. I believe it varies from family to family, but I assume that being mostly child led, each day would look a lot different from the rest. I know a lot of families who have fallen in love with this method, but I knew right away it wasn’t for us. I wanted something a bit more measurable, with somewhat of a routine…

So then we looked into another method of learning – “Unit Studies”. I wanted to love this idea. I began planning our months around specific units (history and science typically), and then included writing assignments, reading, health, and bible around these topics. It went well in the beginning, but I began to crave even more structure to our day…

So we moved onto researching what I thought would be my most favorite method – the “Charlotte Mason” method. Modeled after the teachings of Charlotte Mason herself, this curriculum focuses a lot on reading, dictation, and time spent outdoors. It incorporates a lot of life skills to reinforce subject matter and prides itself on not “watering down” subject matter for children, but instead pulling them up to the level of the subject matter. On paper, this is my absolute FAVORITE, the ideals of instilling a love for learning, independence in developing new skills, and the emphasis on great literature fits completely with our values…

But, actually translating those ideas into our “new normal” turned out to be too much of a culture shock to our household. We had to scale back, and while we still enforce a lot of the ideals of Charlotte Mason in certain subjects, I wouldn’t call our schooling style “Charlotte Mason” by any stretch of the imagination.

What I did find, was that I was gravitating more towards a classical education for my children, without even knowing! I had stayed away from researching this more structured, and rigorous form of educating children because I thought that it would not fit our family style at all. Then one day, out of sheer desperation for direction, I cracked open my obligatory copy of “The Well Trained Mind”. As I was reading, I realized that classical education was much different than I thought! The emphasis on good writing, excellence in reading and the mastery of academic skills necessary for adulthood actually DID fit in with our ideals. I also realized that, while some classical families tend to follow a more demanding academic routine, classical education could be molded into slightly less structured, yet still academically sound curriculum that allowed us to add in some of the best features of each of the other schools of thought!

Finally, I had a revelation! After months of doubting, questioning, wondering and having full blown panic attacks over choosing the “right” school of thought for out family, I realized that I didn’t have to pick just one! We went into homeschooling to educate to the best of OUR CHILDREN’S needs, not the direction of one book or another on how to teach!

So where does that leave us? Somewhere in between all of this! I realized that our family does better with a combination of structure and freedom, and that is OKAY!! We tend to do all of our subjects in the same order, so that the kids become used to the routine of school at home, but we start and end at different times, depending on what outside classes the girls have that day. Two mornings a week we are out for playgroup for the preschoolers, and gymnastics for Autumn, so the bulk of the work is completed in the afternoon, where we also typically don’t do any formal preschool work because of the additional instruction the little girls are getting from sources outside of the home. The other days, school work is done first thing in the morning, and ends in the early afternoon, where crafts/projects/free time or resting time will take up the rest of the day until dinner. Fridays is typically swimming, which rounds out the girls gym requirement (dance, swimming and group sports games at Awana fill in the rest of that requirement).

Our typical schedule looks something like this:

Bible during breakfast – reading, discussing or following a devotional, we let where we are that week lead our bible study time.

Math for Gabbi – which is mostly independent because we purchased a computer based instructional program. I do sit with her at least one day a week to go over all the problems she has struggle with to see if we need to add in any remedial work, or if we need to take a step back and repeat a concept. During this time we also do our “formal” preschool – which is usually a letter study, small craft, song, counting and simple math, and then independent crafting.

Grammar – Writing  well is such an important skill, so we study grammar daily. We use a more rigorous Abeka curriculum, as well as editing all journal entries and writing assignments together to fix grammatical errors. I have seen a huge improvement this year!

Writing – Also focused on daily, we study different types of writing through our unit studies, grammar focus or just for fun. We don’t use a curriculum because writing is my happy place! We have studied: journaling, creative writing, responsive writing, persuasive writing, writing letters and we did a full research paper this year! Moving forward this year we will be covering character development, theme forming, setting, poetry and more story building techniques! I’m so thankful that this is my daughter’s favorite subject because it allows us to have fun everyday.

Reading – Another area where we don’t use curriculum, we are using reading time to both enhance the girls vocabulary, comprehension and writing. I made a book list at the beginning of the year and we spend time daily reading both out loud and independently. I use note taking methods with Gabbi to see where her comprehension is, as well as verbal discussions of each chapter. Were going to be looking more closely at character, setting and theme development the second half of this year using more fiction! The first half of the year we read a lot of non-fiction and focused on the ability to learn concepts through reading.

Science and History – this is where we focus solely on unit studies!! We are using a two whole units of curriculum for history by Homeschool In The Woods (stay tuned for a full review on this FUN way of teaching history!!), New World Explorers for US History, and Ancient Egypt for world history. The girls are VERY excited to start Ancient Egypt in a few weeks! For science we have done a unit on the human body, a unit on nutrition and will be doing a second unit the human body covering diseases and hygiene later on this year. We group health into science, because for these units go hand in hand. The best part about these unit studies are that the little girls love to join in and I can really modify each activity so that everyone can participate at their level!!

The rest of our days involve studying topics of interest, learning new skills, spending time outdoors, or enjoying our extracurricular classes!

This post got much longer than I expected it to! So, I am going to end it here for now. Next week, I will tackle the topic of socialization – the ever popular question that we get from concerned citizens who don’t truly understand what homeschooling your children is REALLY like!

Face to Face

I’ve noticed a trend lately….

Mom’s on the internet posting incredibly personal information and questions in online mom groups, gleaning advice from women they barely know.

What started out as a way to communicate with local moms on parenting advice or local happenings for families has turned into a replacement for deep, meaningful and connecting friendships.

I get it. Trust me. Motherhood is ROUGH. Trying to make time for anything other than keepings the kids alive, while trying to juggle a home, and for many full time jobs, can seem like an impossibility. So we retreat into our homes, throw on our pajamas and open our computers, using the screen in front of us for any amount of adult interaction that we can grasp.

Social media is an AMAZING gift to our generation. It can connect us in ways that we were never able to connect before. We can develop friendships with people we otherwise wouldn’t have met, find communities with the same values and opinions as we do, and keep tabs on those we have lost touch with on a regular basis…

But, in the same breath, social media can be a detriment to a part of is that can’t be filled by a computer screen.

Community.

Relationship.

Real, raw, open, honest, accountable and loving friendship….

The lonely parts of our soul long for face to face connection. The void can be temporarily filled by an online connection, but it only lasts for so long.

We were NOT made to mother alone. The years in the trenches are exhausting, demanding, overwhelming and worst of all LONELY. When we become mothers, and each time we add another baby to the mix, we are faced with the daunting task of finding ourselves again.

Whether you know it or not, you need someone to come into your space and say “I see you.”

You need to HEAR a person laugh with you over the craziness of your life, to cry with someone when things get overwhelming, to talk through feelings, decisions and struggles audibly.

We were designed for face to face communion with other moms. We were designed for deep and meaningful friendships.

So, ladies….

I am calling you out. Out of your homes, out from behind your computers or the guise of your latest smart phones, out into the community of women who have found the freedom and blessing that true, open, honest and loving friendships bring.

If your local, and home on Wednesday mornings, I encourage you to come on out to our weekly playgroup. The coffee will be hot, the kids will be corralled, and the conversation will be flowing. Come in your pajamas, come unshowered, come exhausted and defeated, come late, whatever it takes, just come as you are! You can find the time and address here. 

If you aren’t local, I urge you to step out of your comfort zone and join a local moms group. Don’t have one? Then host an open playdate, invite that friend you have been meaning to see over for coffee, or head to a local play area and start a conversation. There are even downloadable apps (MomCo is one I recommend, especially in some larger cities where there seems to be more moms using it!) where you can find playdates with other moms!

Sound scary? I’ll admit, it can be. Making new friends is HARD. Inviting moms into our mess without worry about judgment can be frightening….

But, I promise you, you won’t regret it.

Homeschooling?

Why would you want to do that?

This is a question we get asked A LOT. Thankfully, it’s mostly by moms who are genuinely curious about this education option that many seem to be unaware of…

So I figured that I would do a little background on why we chose this route for our family…

First of all, let me state that homeschooling is a legal alternative to public or private education. There are millions of kids across our country that are homeschooled, and homeschooling can look different for each family. Some families may use a relaxed approach, while others may use a rigorous curriculum or online school. What each family has in common is the desire to provide a tailor made education for each of their children. In NYS, homeschooling families must register with their school district. We send in a letter at the beginning of each school year stating our intent to homeschool, followed by a detailed outline of the grade levels of each of our students, what topics we intend to cover that year and what method or curriculum we will use. Homeschooling families provide quarterly reports to the district, just like teachers within the school district itself. At the end of each year, each student is assessed by someone other than the parent – either by test or review of samples of work from the year. While other states have much more loose restrictions on homeschooling, NYS requires the most oversight from the district.

So, what led us to this decision?

This answer isn’t as simple as “we don’t agree with public school”, or “we have such strong convictions about…”. For some families, these answers may fit and that is totally OKAY, but for us the decision was more about what we wanted for the girls vs. what we didn’t want. It is no secret that our schools are filled with so many kids that it becomes nearly impossible to reach every single student, and it is impossible to create a tailor made education for each individual student allowing for strengths to shine and weaknesses to be attended to. Teachers do an AMAZING job at trying their best to accomplish these things, but their are limits to what one can do with so many kids and a restricted amount of time. What I envisioned for my kids was an education where they could each thrive individually. I wanted to be able to research curriculum and choose what would help each of them learn best. I desired the ability for them to try new concepts and work at each one until they felt as though that had mastered it. I longed for the idea that they could not only discover their own strengths, but also have endless time in their formative years to strengthen their own weaknesses. But, above anything else, I wanted them to learn how to learn, to develop a passion for seeking out answers to their questions, and to figure out how to gain knowledge in something on their own! This invaluable skill, in my eyes, would lead to a lifelong ability to grow, learn and discover anything they desired to. It would create well rounded members of society, adults who didn’t run from problems but discovered how to solve them…..

I could go on and on, but I won’t. We have been so blessed with the ability for me to be at home with my girls, to have the time to study them and learn how they learn and then to provide them with the tools they need. I am so thankful to be able to give them access to curriculum, literature, classes and other adults who are masters in various fields. I am thrilled to be able to walk this journey with them. Is choosing homeschooling a sacrifice? In some ways, yes! We are committing to me staying home indefinitely to be able to provide our girls with the best education we can. We are saying no to things in order to say yes to the time we need to devote to this adventure….

But, even more importantly, we feel like we are saying yes to God in this season.

Because, for us, we feel like this is the direction our family is being called to!

Do I disagree with public education? Not at all. I think access to education is an amazing gift that we take for granted in this country. I can’t believe the plethora of people there are who devote their lives to educating the coming generations, and I believe that they do not receive the credit (or the pay!) that they deserve.

Do I think that homeschooling works for all families? No. I am a firm believer that every family’s story is supposed to be specific to them. There is no right or wrong way for a family to look. Loving your kids and committing to raising them to the best of your ability, following your convictions and striving to live joyfully and peacefully is so much more important than finding the “right way”.

However, for us, being almost a whole school year in, I think that we have made the right choice. As you will see in future posts, we are having a blast. I love being with the girls, and they are thriving. We change our lesson plan almost daily as I witness them whip through something I assumed would be difficult, while finding we need to devote more time to things I thought would come easy. The girls’ personalities are evolving as they see themselves growing…

And if I can brag on my kids for just a second – my 4th grader is exceeding every expectation I had. I have discovered that she CAN do well in math if given the time, but the perfectionist in her struggles with self-doubt when things are done incorrectly. I have watched her take the time on a difficult lesson, only to come running to the kitchen to excitedly tell me that she only got one problem wrong. I have discovered she is a fantastic and incredibly creative writer, a deep thinker and she has become an avid reader.

My 4 year old is learning to take risks. She has discovered courage and bravery this year. She is amazingly artistic, while being equally logical. She doesn’t love reading yet, but thrives on stories. And this girl can follow directions better than her 9-year-old sister! She is such an attentive listener….

My wild child is learning to spend time alone and become independent of her, only slightly, older sister. She loves to be taught ANYTHING and begs to “do school”. She is a math whiz and loves to dance. She asks a million questions and is beautifully fascinated by everything.

And the baby is no longer a baby. She can literally figure out how to do everything on an iPad. She speaks in full sentences and loves to make everyone laugh. She wants to be like her older sisters and will sit and copy everything they do. She loves to count money and stairs and is so loving and encouraging to her sisters. She is learning all about how babies grow and loves to talk to Macie. I can’t believe she will be old enough to “do preschool” next year!

I will continue to update this series with specific projects we are doing, curriculum reviews (honest and unpaid!), events we are a part of and answers to various popular questions regarding homeschooling. I truly hope that, even if homeschooling is not written into the story of your family, that you will find this section encouraging and inspiring as you participate in all aspects of your children’s education!

Xanax Makes Me a Better Mom…

and guess what? That’s okay.

It took me a long time to admit that. It took me a long time to “forgive” myself for needing any sort of medical treatment following my battle with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety.

Every morning I would get out of bed, drag myself into the kitchen, open the cupboard and take out the little orange bottle with my daily anti-depressant in it….

The label may as well have said…

“FAILURE”…

“You are weak, you wanted a big family but in truth in you can’t handle it, and now you need to rely on ME to make it through your day…”

I opened the bottle every morning and took my medication feeling defeated. Hopeless. Broken.

Then the fog lifted…

The light shined through some of the darkness, and I emerged from the anxiety feeling triumphant! So I did what every normal, sane, rational woman who never struggled with mental illness in her life would do…

I stopped taking my medication. I was healed. I was fixed. I didn’t need it anymore….

Until I did. One day, out of the blue I had a panic attack. We had been sick for weeks as a family, no one was eating well and everything was upside down. My body didn’t have enough energy to care for all of the physical needs around me, and my mind was too mentally exhausted to process the stress of the situation.

I called my psych – who I happen to love – and told her what was going on, and that I had stopped my medication weeks ago…

Her words struck me hard….

“You need to get back on your medication.”

I was devastated. I had failed again. My mind keeps continuously giving up on me, and I didn’t have the strength to fight back on my own anymore…

3 weeks into starting the medication again, the anxiety lifted and I was functioning like a normal, happy mom – still facing regular stress – but not flooded with panic anymore.

But there was still a shame in taking my medication, in needing it in order to be “me” during this season.

Then a friend once said to me…”If you had a heart illness, you would take heart medication without shame. If you had a stomach illness, you would take stomach medicine without shame. Having a BRAIN illness should be no different…”

We get so caught up in the term “mental illness” that we feel like there is something wrong with us if we need help during a season.

I felt as though I had a breakthrough…

Needing help is NOT a sign of weakness. Realizing that I have areas of life that I struggle in and working on those to create a better me is a strength.

Ensuring that I am the best me – physically and mentally- everyday is a gift to my family, allowing shame or guilt to creep in and keep me from the steps I needed to take to heal would have left them with broken pieces of me that I was trying desperately to put together on my own.

So I will continue to take my medication, until I feel like I truly don’t need it anymore. I will take my Xanax if I am suffering from a panic attack, and I will not feel ashamed about it. I will embrace this crazy, stressful, fulfilling life and all the crazy that comes with it…

but I won’t add my own crazy by sacrificing my mental health…

We have to take care of ourselves mamas – in WHATEVER way that looks like for you. Therapy, self care and medication are NOT signs of weakness. We are not perfect and life is so messy.

So do what you need to.

Get the help you deserve.

And then shout it from the rooftops, because there is no shame in needing help.

 

**Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. Any medications that I have taken throughout my journey have been prescribed by, and closely monitored by a board certified Psychiatrist. I recommend meeting with one if you think medication is something you may need, and let them decide the best course of action for you. Always take medications as prescribed by your specific doctor. **

Good Soil

Source: Good Soil

Good Soil

I have had this post on my heart for awhile, but yesterday as I was listening to podcast, I realized the importance of this topic….

As I walking through the grocery store yesterday with my headphones on, off in my own little world, ALONE (minus all the people in the store) I was feeling as though I was on vacation. I could have felt guilty because one of my four had so badly wanted to come with me to shop. Normally, I would have let her come as I try REALLY hard to carve out individual time with the girls each week, but she was exhausted and this mama needed a break…

A few months ago, I would have put my need for a break aside because I would have deemed it selfish, or at the very least not as important as her wanting some one on one time with mom. I would have convinced myself that I didn’t really need to be alone, that grocery shopping was intended to be stressful and that this was my job, a job that comes with very few breaks or breathers…

but yesterday I said no, and off I went alone.

As I was listening to one of my homeschooling mom podcasts, one of the speakers was reading listener questions and a question came up that gave me pause. It was a valid question, but one that so many moms are battling with and shouldn’t be….

“Is it okay for moms to take a break? Is it biblical to carve out time to put myself in front of the needs of my family?”

A few months ago, I may not have even been able to answer that question. Because I truly believed that it wasn’t. I lived the first few years of motherhood under the notion that as long as I was needed, my needs came last. When there was one child,  or even two there was more time that I wasn’t needed by default, but by the time number 4 came there was no time that spontaneously appeared where no one needed me. Day and night, around the clock, chances were 1 of the 4 needed something from me….

and so I gave, and gave, and gave, and gave….

until I felt as though I could not give anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE taking care of my girls. Being with my children is my absolute favorite thing in the whole world. I was created for this, I know that. I love teaching them, watching them learn, and being the one who kisses the boo-boos and answers the tough questions. I love that I can decipher whats wrong just by glancing at them because I am with them so much. I couldn’t imagine a day without the snuggles and the snotty kisses….

but I was becoming depleted. Dried up. The other things about me that were also things I was created for, were disappearing one by one. Writing, editing, creating and crafting were being taken off the table….

then reading and learning for my own benefit…

and finally my own quiet time was being sacrificed for the needs of someone else.

In the midst of all of the craziness, I forgot that I was a person created with needs.

but, more than that, that the needs of others couldn’t be met if I had nothing to give.

Things became overwhelming, anxiety inducing, and I was a wreck. I was tired, worn out and doubting my ability to handle anything else.

But then, during our bible study something amazing happened. We read the parable of the sower together in Mark.

Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seed. 4As he scattered it across his field, some of the seed fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate it. 5Other seed fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seed sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. 6But the plant soon wilted under the hot sun, and since it didn’t have deep roots, it died. 7Other seed fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants so they produced no grain. 8Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew, and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!”

I can’t even count how many times I have read this parable, I have notes in all different types of pen surrounding the section in my bible, but none of those notes brought to light what my children were about to teach me….

We were learning about how plants grow during the time that we read this section, so my kids knew all about what makes soil “good”…

I had been so caught up in making sure that the seeds planted in my life didn’t get choked out by the thorns, that I had forgotten I need to check the goodness of my own soil. As I was asking the girls questions, they began to point out to me about how soil and seeds need to be taken care of in order to grow! A farmer doesn’t just hope that the soil is good, he makes sure it is. He waters it, takes care of it, and doesn’t overcrowd it with too many things. He tends to it as the plants grow, weeding out the thorns and ensuring the good plants take root.

Good soil isn’t just happenstance, good soil is created by the effort of the farmer.

We don’t have to have good soil for the seeds in our life to begin to bear fruit, we can create good soil in our lives….

But we can’t do that if we don’t take care of it. Overworked mamas who are overwhelmed, and don’t get a break are depleting their soil of nutrients. If we do that, nothing can grow.

I want to offer my family the best of me, but in order to do that, I have to give myself permission to take care of me. I have to allow myself to realize that fulfilling my needs is just as vital to my family’s growth as everyone else’s needs.

What good am I if my soil can’t bear fruit?

So whatever it is that fills you up, whether its reading, writing, shopping alone, sleeping, crafting, hanging out with friends, studying the word, or catching up on your DVR – carve out time to do it. Let your family know its necessary, ask for help and plan to take care of yourself….

You need to come back and weed and water your soil, mama.

Smallness

It has been awhile since I have written anything….

I am so grateful to have received emails and messages from readers asking me when I was going to be back. Well…

I’m back!

I apologize for taking such a long hiatus. The truth is that this blog began to permeate all different aspects of my life. At first it was wonderful, but as it began to affect my emotions and my actions throughout the day it became clear that I needed to take a break.

You see, I am horrible at setting boundaries. I am a people pleaser by nature, and have used the way that others view me as a means of defining myself far to often. I LOVE connecting with my readers, but I had a truly difficult time separating a few reader’s negative comments from how I see myself. Writing on this blog has always been a means of journaling for me. Documenting my real life mistakes, triumphs, growths and set backs is therapeutic to me. To my delight, God has used my “journaling” to speak into the lives of other moms and that has made writing all the more worthwhile to me….

but then suddenly a post I wrote a few months ago (you can read it here…) went viral. At first I was ecstatic! I couldn’t believe what I was writing was resonating with so many mamas! But then came the influx of negative comments, messages and remarks. I was appalled at the names I was called, the feedback I was given and at the number of women it was coming from. They attacked not only my writing, but who I am at the core – my relationship with Jesus and my ability to parent. I had to step back. I shut down. For all the good I felt I was doing, at the time I just couldn’t handle the negativity.

I have spent the last few months trying to figure out why the “bullying” got to me so deeply. Is it because I wasn’t expecting it? Was I overreacting?

Or was it because, maybe, just maybe, I have been holding too highly what others think of me? Was I seeking the approval of strangers over the approval of myself, or worse – over the approval of the only One who truly matters?

I’m reading this book (that I literally cannot wait to review for all of you) that has brought to my attention something that has completely shifted my entire world. Maybe it will shift yours too, especially if you are a self proclaimed control freak like me…

We can control our actions, but we can’t, no matter how hard we try, control the outcome…

and more than that?

We weren’t designed to.

My excitement over a post going viral and reaching so many people has really brought to my attention this desire inside of me to be bigger than I was made to be. I get overwhelmed with the problems in our broken world and somehow, some way, I just want to be able to fix everything….

But I can’t. And neither can you.

As moms, we so desperately want to make the world a better place for our children to grow up in. We want to protect them from everything that is wrong, fix everything that could hurt them and shield them from the parts we don’t ever want them to see.

But what we can do is have faith that God is working everything together for good. We can have faith that the little we can do can contribute to the bigger picture. We can have hope in the God for whom nothing is impossible…

We can embrace our smallness and focus on the world thats evolving right in front of us. We can rejoice in the fact that we don’t have to carry everything alone, and that we don’t have to be responsible for more than God has placed in our lives.

So what do we focus on?

Our home, our family, our children, our community, and whatever mission field God has placed on your heart. We can let go of the rest and be reassured that to each problem God has called the right people.

We can put in our best effort in our most worthy areas of life and then we can let go of worry and let God decide the outcome.

We are called to plant the seeds, not to make the garden grow. 

Being small isn’t a problem to overcome, its a gift that God has given us. We don’t have to take on more than our share, because the God who created the Universe has control of the rest.

So embrace your smallness Mamas. Focus on the world in front of you. Say yes to those callings and desires that come from God. Slow down and enjoy the time with your children. Plant seeds and wait for the harvest.

Define yourself by your efforts and not your outcomes.

I look forward to connecting with my readers again. I can’t wait to join in on the conversations again with you that have helped me to grow so much!

And if you are looking for an awesome read check out Simply Tuesdays by Emily Freeman. I promise that you will not be disappointed…

“To sit on a bench means to keep company with one young girl before a glorious angel, sent by God to invite her into the greatest mystery of all time. You will bear a child and call his name Immanuel. And her one small yes became the holy gateway from heaven to earth. Our part is not ushering heaven to earth. Our part is one small yes…..Heaven is already here. With our work, we get to build benches that line the roads of the kingdom of God. But we don’t get to say how many will sit on them.”

-Emily Freeman, Simply Tuesdays

Zoey And Hannah